It’s important to stop every now and then to reflect on what you’ve done in life, and to consider if you’re content with where you’re going. So, what happened to me five years ago this month? What triggered this new writing era in my life? I became a father.

It’s amazing what becoming a parent does to you. You want to be your best self. You want to make your children proud. You want to make them believe that they can do whatever they want in life. You want them to succeed. It also makes you take a long look in the mirror and consider what you are doing in life. At least, it did for me. As I gazed into my daughter’s beautiful eyes, staring out at the world for the first time, I told her I wanted her to achieve everything her heart desired. I wanted her to believe that whatever she wanted to be, whatever dream she held, she should pursue, that I would support her and love her no matter what, and if she tried she could achieve those dreams.

Then I realised, it’s all well and good me telling her this, but I needed to show her as well. To borrow a lesson from writing instructors everywhere, “show, don’t tell”. For her to believe me, I would have to pursue my dreams too, I’d need to actually try and become a writer, rather than just dream about. I may not succeed. I probably wouldn’t. But, I had to try. So, I promised myself, I promised my daughter (and then my son when he came along a year later), that no longer would I just dream, I would write. I would work hard at it and try and get published.

What have I achieved in the last five years?

Since my daughter was born, I’ve:

• Become a published writer,
• Developed my own website, and
• Won Writers of the Future.

It’s not all been plain sailing. For the five story acceptances I’ve had, there have been many rejections (80 at the time of writing).

I also briefly, and foolishly, went back into a law firm, which made me lose the best part of a year of writing time (read on for why working in a law firm was not conducive to my writing). In fact, the day before I accepted the job offer, one of my stories was accepted for publication. This was the Universe telling me not to accept the job. But, did I listen? No. You can lead a horse to water…

Overall, I’m pretty chuffed with my writing journey and what I’ve achieved in the last five years. Could I have been more successful? Yes. Could I have been less successful? Also, yes. I have various family and financial commitments so I cannot write full time, which means I must do the best I can with the limited time available to me. What I’m trying to do is focus on me and my achievements, not those of others, and to be kind to myself.

Why didn’t I start writing sooner?

I’d always felt a bit embarrassed about saying I wanted to be a writer, or admitting that I wrote stories in my spare time. I didn’t know anyone who was a writer growing up and it didn’t seem like something a kid from Swansea could do. And, I feared people’s reaction. It’s funny but, if someone says to you, “I play football in my spare time”, would you say, “why?” or, “do you play professionally?” Of course not. But, if you say you write stories, you usually get a blank, uncomprehending expression in response, or the inevitable question of whether you’ve been published. Until you actually start writing stories, you don’t know how hard it is, not just the writing itself, but getting it published. It is a crazily competitive industry and one with a dwindling number of markets that accept stories. If you haven’t got a foot in the door by now, or if you’re not already a “name” in some other field, then chances are you’re unlikely to get traditionally published. It’s not impossible, but it’s hard.

That embarrassment, or lack of self-confidence and belief, really, was one of the reasons I used to write so infrequently; that, and a demanding career as a lawyer, which left me working long hours and mentally drained. After a day in work, I had little brain power for creative thinking. Not that my imagination agreed. I am constantly assailed with characters and worlds popping into my head. I always have been. It’s not something I can control. I just find myself day dreaming. There’s a compulsion to write that I cannot explain. Reading is a distraction, it dampens that compulsion, a little, and it’s why I have read so voraciously ever since I learned how to read. It’s probably why becoming a lawyer was a good fit.

I used to work in a law firm, but my heart was never really in it. I am competitive and law is somewhat like a goldfish bowl, your world quickly just becomes about how much you bill clients and billing more than your equally competitive colleagues. You bump into those glass walls but you can’t see them, or you forget that they’re there at all. Suddenly, it becomes your focus and, combined with the long hours in an office, it is all you think about and climbing the career ladder seems like the most important thing in the world. I suppose this is true for other professions too, I can only relate my experience in law.

However, becoming a parent was, for me, like rubbing my eyes free of algae and realising I was swimming in a bowl. I could see the limitations I had placed on my existence. I could see there was a sea outside I wasn’t living in, but that I could live in, if I just dared to jump out. I’ll end the goldfish metaphors there. I bought a fish tank for my daughter for Christmas and have kind of become obsessed with the little world in my living room (neon tetras, guppies, an alarming number of bladder snails, otocinclus and shrimp, if you wanted to know).

What did I change?

I started writing more, for starters. But, to help facilitate this, I also changed jobs. I’ve been lucky to find a role that has given me a better balance in life, that challenges me (and pays my bills), while not requiring me to work ten hour days (plus a commute and all the networking on top), and a role that does not require me to give up time with my family or leave me too burned out to write. Now, instead of logging back on to work after I’ve put my children to bed, I can sit down and write for an hour or two, or until I pass out from exhaustion.

Before having children, I submitted very few stories, and each rejection (they were all rejections), was hard. It felt like I was wasting my time. I was aware of how little time I had to write and how long it takes to write a story, even a short story let alone a novel, and “becoming a writer” felt like an unrealistic dream. I felt naive, I felt embarrassed to admit it, I felt a little stupid, even, for daring to dream of it. But now, with more balance in my life, and determined to make my children proud, I feel happier, more content, more resilient. I have greater perspective. I now accept how hard it is to become a writer and that rejection is, and always will be, a part of a writer’s journey. It’s nothing personal. If I want it, I have to just keep on going. And it was that belief and resilience that helped me win Writers of the Future.

Finally, I cannot understate the importance of having a supportive partner. Not long after we first started dating, we bought a one way ticket to Australia (via Thailand) and went backpacking. During that adventure, I rather sheepishly told my (now) wife I wanted to be a writer. And, to my surprise, she didn’t laugh. Nor did she question my sanity. And, even better, nor did she leave me for somebody more sensible. That was huge. She even bought me, as a complete surprise, a laptop I could use on my commute to work on the train. She has never once doubted I would succeed. At every step of the way, she has supported me and believed in me. Especially early on, when I was sending out the odd submission and getting rejected, her belief and support helped me carry on. I will be forever grateful to her for that unwavering belief.

What about the next five years?

I’m in a good place. I’m in a happy place, the most content I have ever been in my life. This has helped me as I bang on the (digital) door of editors and publishers, submitting my stories and dealing with the many rejections. I can look back at what I have achieved over the past five years and think, yes, I am making my children proud, I am chasing my dreams. I am a published writer and I have and an exciting trip to Hollywood in April. None of that would have happened had I not chased my dream. They don’t know it yet, but I have my children to thank for pushing me to be the best me I can be.

And, looking further ahead, over the next five years, I want to build on my success. I want to take my writing to the next level. Who knows, I might even have a novel published in that timeframe. Only one thing is certain, I won’t achieve that dream if I don’t try.